The Gympie Gympie

Folks, if you don't already know, please let me tell you about the Gympie Gympie tree: the Devil's own pet nettle from down under, on today's episode of Damn Earth, You Scary.

This is a plant which has grown protective spines. Tiny tiny spines like glass filaments (seriously, they are made of quartz) all over the whole plant. I mean the WHOLE plant, trunk stalk to leaf tip. At the slightest contact, these minuscule hollow spikes detach and lodge underneath the skin.

Each contains an extremely concentrated special mix of toxins that effect the nerves directly, producing an acute agony that has been described by sufferers as "like being burned with a hot poker and electrocuted at the same time".

These nearly microscopic totally transparent toothpaste tubes of torture leak the concentrate at a slow rate, keeping you in pain for up to two years.

Just being near the plants without touching them can cause allergic reactions like rashes and hives; the little poison spines that get shed or broken float around in the air, and can even cause painful nosebleeds in people within breathing distance.

The berries, also covered in the demon needles, are of course totally edible. As long as you haven't missed removing even a single one of the tiny, transparent spines. Somehow several species of marsupial, insects, and birds find them palatable anyway.

The Gympie Gympie grows in the rainforests of Australia (of course). The species, dendrocnide moroides, is also known as the stinging brush, mulberry-leaved stinger, gympie stinger, the suicide plant, or moonlighter.